For those of you who know me well, I was raised Mormon.
To the general knowledge of the public a cascade of assumptions and imagery
Can come to mind when thinking of Mormons.
Polygamy (not practiced anymore), Missionaries, Big Families, Joe Smith, and many more.
I've never really declared publicly my religious affiliations and beliefs, but
Currently, I do not practice Mormonism nor belief in it.
However, I guess you could call me an optimistic agnostic.
Lately, I have been finding myself kind of obsessing about the history and dynamic of
The church I grew up in.
The reason for this is because it is not just some kind of part time thing you do going
To church in the Mormon church and that's it.
It is a culture that is so deep and engulfs you that you really can't cut it off
Unless you plan to disassociate with family, friends, and others.
So it gets brought up a lot. It is a part of my identity. I still hold on to some principles I learned
No matter how much doubt or complete lack of belief in the doctrine.
I know this probably sounds like a bashing post ready to join the ranks of many ex-Mormons
Or cliche millennial college students, but I actually have been observing and seeing some changes and
Discourse occurring in the Mormon church that relates to me.
It has been nice to see the goodness in people who call out certain teachings or policies
That don't stand for what Mormonism, or even Christianity, is all about.
I know I know, who am I to hold something I don't really believe in to some standard, but honestly
Like I said it is a part of my life in many ways and is a part of my identity that I can't just pretend it isn't there.
The policy I am talking about, and what has created some waves, is in these links....
(I decided to put multiple sources so it comes across fair)
(So this is the general outline how the Church is "suppose" to look at Gays, etc.)
But somehow they came up with this policy.....
And...
And
So I could be like many people and bash the church I grew up in and join the crowd of negative
Jeers and outbursts.
But instead, I have learned to simply live my life as best I can and to be a good example.
Kick ass and prove people wrong through the goodness and happiness my life brings.
Life can get exhausting by feeling victimized and by complaining about how everything seems
To be up against me.
But really, I have found that when I delve deep into myself and see who I am regardless of church,
Race, looks, money, class, etc. identities I really just look at who
Ian Hansen
Is stripped to the core and through that I find I am happy because deep down is that Inner Voice
That tells me I am me. I am a good person who wants to
Make life for myself and others happy and bring into this world as much as I can.
Shel Silverstein said it best,
Because really when you're gone what is the memory and story others
Will tell about you?
Your actions in life tell your story and I want mine to be one of good deeds and intentions
That is something that has been guiding me to live and take care of myself these days.
I feel peaceful.
So while yes I grew up Mormon it is not something that makes me me and isn't something that
I should be angry at if the Church makes me feel bad about myself, but really it's
Just me and that Inner Voice along the way
And when that voice tells me All Is Well
Then I can smile and be confident no matter what is going on around me.
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