Yep it's that time again. Time for another Rant. "Bitch Fit" as I've come to identity them.
It's a funny thing honestly because I think this is how life operates, between two extremes or some type of pendulum of feeling great and feeling like s#$t!
Being an adult is a transition itself today in the world where it includes leaving behind certain things and picking up new things. In this case the new things is knowledge of "reality"
Raised on Disney as a kid yet now educated in Cynicism and Truth.
It honestly can suck because nights like tonight where it hits me
"Life is hard and hard to balance"
I cannot emphasize enough the internal effort I make to be my best and try to strive for what is good
I try to take things I am taught, observe, or feel in my gut as a guide to live properly.
Yet like an experiment, that's what life really is, mine seem to always end up as failing or inconclusive.
Maybe it's a phase or my age but seriously everything feels like it is floating in a limbo. Career, school, personal life, dating, friends, family, my future, etc.
I feel like I'm suffocating at times when I try to control elements like this. I make efforts to go out of my comfort zone yet I am that case where it falls flat.
Literally.
I try to make friends and something happens whether it is me or them. Love life is a drought-mostly on my part I'm guessing. Don't get me started on my self image. It fluctuates more than Oprah's weight did in the 90s.
To be more specific, I try to see the good in people and try to make myself vulnerable and open yet it seems to come back and either hurt me or screw me over somehow.
I was told recently there are certain things that you take to the grave. I guess I'm learning that is true.
But still there is that innocence in me, that platinum blonde boy in the diaper, who still hopes that life can be like a Disney movie where there really is good and you are rewarded in life because of it.
No corruption or loopholes.
(But I also don't want my mother to die, which seems to be a requirement in most Disney movies).
I just feel like at times I seriously am the loser.
Like there are roles assigned in life to people to be destined for. Not everyone can be the handsome guy, or successful businessman or world traveler or comedian.
Seriously, Ian is the loser who had the great family, great childhood, but then screwed it up and will continue to do so. Not necessarily through bad choice but instead through poor circumstances.
HUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHH.
But then again, at least I always have held onto the idea that in the end All Is Well.
So for now just suck it up. And keep it up. Because at some point this life has to pay off.
There is enough sadness and hardship in life to where it can be self choice to make the most of a situation
Sometimes I think I'm the one who shoots himself in the foot yet looks around and tries to find an answer for the bullet hole in my foot rather than actually address the reality.
Sometimes I wonder, "OH.....MAYBE I'M THE ASS#&@$"
(inside joke from Key and Peele)
So I'm a work in progress but still I hope the final product is a good one.
Self Reflection balanced with Hope
In Between is the game
