2.25 Years Later

I don't know how to start an entry after 2.25 years other than to not overthink it and just to freeform type my thoughts as they sort of come, but WOW!

I tend to reflect and become overly sentimental or pensive on that nature of time itself-but meh not today.

Last I posted or journaled I was ending my twenties and entering my thirties; and now I am 32 years old!

Crazy.

This entry will be all over the place but I will best I can recap the last couple years and make a commitment to myself/this "blog" to now begin to journal more to capture memories and moments of my life however mundane or magnificent they may be as often as I can. 

This is a rebranding of sorts from a cheesy non personal blog to a more virtual or electronic journal to model the 21st century style of things.

Okay, onto the recap.......

.......................................................................ummmmmm..................................................................

Well, 30 came and went fast. I really should have thought this through but basically in the midst of a global pandemic I turned 30. I didn't think much other than it was a new chapter of sorts. 

What I can say from the last two years that stick out to me are three things:

1. I traveled a lot both locally/domestically and internationally

2. I progressed in my career with Esri

3. I fell in love 

I started to travel to Reno during the 2020-2021 year (so 29-30 years old) a LOT because quite literally everything was shut down and I was living in my Redlands spot with a roommate from China and I had nothing to do other than live inside a small space with someone I was renting to.

So naturally, I went up to Reno to spend time with family and mainly the fellow "fool" in my life, Lefou.

I probably went up at least 20 long road trips each time I could and would spend more and more time there until it was time to come back to Southern California and then back again to Reno. 

It is crazy to think how much time actually was spent wearing masks in public spacing, the protocols, the extreme tense political and societal atmosphere of people and so forth that I just think I've blocked out a lot of the day to day insanity of it all and enjoyed the freedom I really did have working remotely and going to Reno while most were locked up and stuck in their day to day living. 

It was endless game nights, gossip and family time over that time period that it actually was fun. 

I just genuinely cannot remember specific time periods of the flow of time because it was all just a cluster of uncertainty, but fun in hindsight in a weird way.

At some point around turning 30 in 2021 the world slightly began to open up and thankfully Mexico was one of those countries that was still allowing people to come on in. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I was tired of not travelling internationally and with no one willing to go on an adventure with me, I made the bold choice to do it alone.

Solo travel was the game of 2021 when I was 30.

So Mexico City was my first stop and shockingly I LOVED IT. 

It was a huge city and where I stayed was so beautiful and almost European in style and vibe. I loved it. Went in March of 2021 and stayed I believe 7 days. I never felt unsafe and loved the challenges and just getting lost in another place/culture. So I started to catch that "bug" of needing to see the world more and more, and what was nice is that it was just me to enjoy and not be influenced or controlled in some way of how to feel/think or do anything while I was there. True freedom in some sense for travelling in a time when everyone was living by the crazy rules of a pandemic. 

What was nice also is that I was working remotely so I would work and then hit the city to explore. 

Best of both worlds, get paid and travel simultaneously.

After this great first solo adventure a few random things happened until my next solo adventure.

I got an air fryer and began to cook sooooooo many chicken wings.

I grew to love my lil buddy kitten Fritz.

And Rachel, Tyler and the girls moved back to Reno in the spring- bastards.

But then......while listening to one of my favorite podcasts Real Dictators I was learning about Spain and its dictator Francisco Franco and in hearing all about Spain and that time period/Madrid I began interested and next thing I knew I decided to go to Madrid in the summer. 

It was a toss up between Seville and Madrid but Madrid won and I am SO GLAD I did it. Each place I go to is special and was amazing overall, but for some reason Madrid really won me over for various reason. 

Madrid was such an unexpected joy and beautiful place. I even recall telling my mom aftewards that Madrid may be a close tie or close second to London, and we all know that I love London.

The weather, the history and the beauty of Madrid was magic. Such great times it's hard for me to only put a few pictures but I will fondly look back on this trip and be so so so glad I did the solo thing and didn't let my fears or any reservations hold me back. 

One of my best summers of my life and not a bad start to my 30th year.

Ok.....let's expedite this journal entry

Later in the summer Danny my brother decided to take his family and sail the "world" type thing but he needed a "crew" to help move the boat from Florida up to Virginia due to hurricane season etc, and it.

Was. Hell. Seriously. Looking back it was madness and still is but we are alive.

That's all I'll say.

Next comes the big one......

I met someone and fell in love in the later part of 2021....Justin Jones.

Boy oh boy was I not expecting nor worthy/deserving of this man. In hindsight and with the love and gratitude and knowledge of what is now, I didn't know what kind of new type of adventure I was embarking on but my heart was ready to take that leap, as cheesy as it is, and today in May 2023 nearly two years later we are going strong and I love my man.

I will go more into our story next journal entry to focus on the relationship and the plethora of things we have done and all the "feels" but 30 was looking pretty damn good and we were only getting into September 2021.

As Justin and I began to seriously date and ultimately become boyfriends, I was working into my career at Esri as a financial analyst and doing well. 

Then came my last solo trip "itch" to where I wanted to go one last place before finishing out 2021.

I can't recall again what made me think of Austria/Vienna but next thing I knew while I was babysitting Forrest's dogs Kaia and Khloe, I booked a flight for November to Vienna, Austria.

Austria was also amazing and a great end to my international solo travels in my life thus far. 

Beautiful, COLD and cozy, Vienna gave me that last leap into my now "seasoned" solo venture.

This time was different a because I had Justin to swoon over and miss while I was travelling for the week. We were still fairly new in our relationship and I didn't think it was the right time to take a trip that big so I kept it solo but he was there with me texting and enjoying my stories.

Plus, we have many more opportunities to travel together (we actually have and have more planned as of now, but again, that'll be for the next entry).

Vienna though.....gorgeous. Cold as hell but it made the hygge aspect so great and the Christmas season was approaching.

And before I knew it, that was a wrap to 30.

To solo travel. 

To 2021.

And yet there is so much more I did and experienced and learned in the 2022 year and my 31st year. 

So strange to say things like that, but with this being a retroactive effort to encapsulate several years in a couple entries, it'll be somewhat rushed but as time goes on and if I stick to my commitment of journaling more often (maybe weekly but most likely monthly) it will become more specific and probably boring.

Christmas with Justin at the end of the year and sharing my first ever New Year's Eve kiss with someone was the perfect way to end this chapter of 30.

For the next journal entry I'll expand and share more on Justin and I how we met, dated and became boyfriends. It's a good one and I'll do my best.

In summary of my 30th year and 2021, it really was a year of taking a risk to travel by myself and what I learned is to trust myself more and that my judgements aren't something to be insecure about.

In a way I gradually became more confident in myself at 30. I felt strong in my choices, my life direction and just in who I am. It was as though the tumultuous nature of my twenties settled into stability and calm for me at 30. And I am grateful and continue to listen to myself and learn from my experiences, both externally and internally.

Pretty damn good start and a good year 30 and 2021.

And it keeps getting better (Speaking from 32 years old in May of 2023 :) )

A Toast To My Twenties

 

In my family we have a tendency to be overly sentimental.

We overdue it and then are left with feelings of melancholy and yearning for the past as if it was truly better than the present or the future we are headed towards.

I will admit I'm completely guilty of this and it shows in my embarrassing posts from the past. 

However, tonight as I do what we do best in being reflective and overly sentimental, I have no real feelings of melancholy, regret, sadness, or a desire to stop time.

Well maybe a little.....

BUT 

I cannot believe a decade has nearly gone by since I said goodbye to my teens and entered the big bad twenties.

In all honesty I am somewhat emotional, but in a good way. I am so unbelievably grateful and amazed at how much life has allowed for me to experience and grow in these past 10 years of my life.

I can honestly say I have feeling of something that I strive for in my life and that is:

Meaning.

Not happiness nor money or those trite things that so many pursue, but truly all the beautiful, crazy, messy, and oh so wonderful things that culminate into a life of meaning.

My twenties were such an adventure and filled with so much good, bad, trauma, love, and all in the in-between and that to me says I spent these 10 years the way I should have-with meaning.

So in the spirit of keeping of journal of sorts and not go into a rambling of thought/word vomit on this post I will try to recollect and highlight each year from my twenties in the hopes that one day I can look back and do nothing but have gratitude and maybe just a twinge of overdone sentiment.

Before I do though, I just found it funny that I read this article in a Magnolia magazine today and it fits the overall vibe I have leaving behind a chapter/era of my life and into another.

Twenty

The start to my 20th year I was working at Red Robin as a server and I had been accepted into the BYU London study abroad summer program (June-Aug 2011).

This is truly where I grew up and found who I was-not to be dramatic but it is true. London was a place where I found out who Ian was and it came at such a time when I needed it most.

I can't write down each memory but pictures will do some justice. All I know is I had my "Home Away from Home" at 27 Palace Ct. I wish I could put all the pictures but I selected a few that highlight my time. I also went to Italy for about a week after my program and let me just say NEVER go to Italy during August. Adventurous but hot as the 7th circle of hell. Still though, something I'll take with me always.

*For the love of GOD forgive the fashion choices I had going on.....typical.

Twenty One

With the high of living abroad behind me, I had returned to my server job at good ole Red Robin back home and started to save money again and tried to get back to BYU-Hawaii for school. 

After jumping through some not so fun hurdles via the church, I was accepted back for the Spring 2012 term.

Sadly, I don't have a ton of pictures during this time but enter in the First Love phase of my life.

In Hawaii, while I was grateful to be in school in paradise, I was falling away more and more from being a true Mormon, and met someone who I fell in love with.

Spoiler-this was such a poor, poor choice on my part. 

Even though I don't necessarily regret this year of my life, it did teach me a lot and allowed me to grow. Plus I did have a lot of fund going out to Waikiki and exploring the island with my "lover" and also still doing school and all the above.

I did live in the dorms for a short period and then moved off campus in Laie with a tiny studio apartment with two roomates. It was cramped, humid, and messy but fun too. One roommate was from Korea, the other from Thailand. Still cost me $375 a month I believe. 

I worked in the student testing center with some nice students, played tennis, went to the beach, chilled with Forrest while he was there also.

Lord help my poor hairline. BUZZ IT OFF.

Met Jack Johnson after walking back on the trail from Pipeline 

So 2012 came and went with me at BYU Hawaii studying, working in the testing center, and being stupidly in love with a guy in the Navy.

Twenty Two

Still in Hawaii (poor me right?) I had started to experience the reality of dating a shitty person.

Long story short he was going to be deployed and broke things off with me around a year of us dating.

Note*** looking back this wasn't a real relationship in my eyes because I was essentially cheated on the entire time and was played because I was 21-22 years old and the guy was 29-30 at the time. I was naïve and stupid.

I was broken hearted and I made a choice to leave in April of 2013 to where.....

Not Reno but instead for some reason I chose to join a radiology tech. program in HOUSTON, TEXAS.

Why....why....why......

I honestly think I had looked up the medical center there and it was the biggest in the world. So that appealed to me. I thought I wanted to do something medical, but was too chicken to go for medical school so I settled for WAY less than what I was capable of and before I knew it I was packing up the Tacoma back in Reno with what little I had and drove all the way from Nevada to Houston, Texas.

Funny enough around this time Rachel and Tyler had moved to SoCal and I helped them move and this is when I met Andre in 2013. We skyped a few times and got to know each other briefly before I took off for Texas.

So when I mentioned I was going to be driving through Las Vegas, he decided to drive up and meet me in person for the first time. 

We met at a Cafe Rio near UNLV and ate. I remember how shy he was and skinny he was. So cute looking back but we decided with what little time I had to go for a walk down the street and somehow ended up jumping the fence into an apartment pool at night and he jumped in the pool. As we were leaving he jumped the fence first and accidentally knocked my LG smartphone out of my hand and it cracked all over. I still crack up to this day how bad he felt.

So we parted ways and I drove probably another 18-20 hours across the states. 

Texas was......a mistake ha. I ended up not loving it. Hot hot hot summers....flat....and just a different vibe than what I grew up with.

My program had fun times in the hospitals and the rotations we did. I met great people in my class. We all shared crazy stories and experiences and I truly lived on my own in a new city I knew no one. It did get hard and lonely at times, but my classmates and coworker (I worked at Red Robin down there and Buffalo Wild Wings) kept me company.

2013 quickly came and went and 2014 came 

Twenty Three

Same old was going on in Texas....I was COLD there surprisingly. 23 came and I got sick by my stupid stupid choices and decided to cut my losses and head back home to Reno to start fresh and take care of myself. 

So August came and I drove all that way back to Nevada.

Humbled and ready to recalibrate myself. This was a dark time in my life because I had gotten back in touch with that guy from Hawaii and for a brief stint almost kindled our relationship. Thankfully, we did not and I finally walked away after dealing with enough. 

So I had a plan to get myself healthy, work and go to UNR to study and finish my bachelors. I worked I think for my parent's for the time being and spent time with good ole LaRee during these times. I also got hired for Marriott as a front desk host (I know I'm so impressive with my job choices).

(Night shifts at Marriott)

 I recall us getting Taylor Swift's 1989 album in the fall and I loved it. Funny enough I can't recall much at this time what I did for the rest of my 23rd year but that is fine by me....leave it behind. 2015 will bring a change I thought.

Twenty Four

So I had enrolled as a criminal justice major at UNR and started classes in January. I thoroughly enjoyed my time at UNR. Loved the campus and the overall feeling of being at a true university.

Sadly, this is where another bump in the road hit....Mikey had passed away from a car accident injury and left Mallory pregnant and a widow.

That was a time for me to really take all focus off me (which I was glad to) and place all my emotional well being into taking care of Mallory at home through her grief and pregnancy. It brought me closer to her and she sure as hell overcame a lot.

And the reward was something that can't ever be put into words nor expressed enough because Evelyn was born in September. She was the first baby that I sort of felt like a "dad" to from day 1. Because she was such a wonderful light in a time for Mallory (and also myself on the side dealing with my stuff I caused myself) and she just brought us joy to all. And boy oh boy was she a cute cute cute baby.

I had also made a good friend from college in my classes. Sam, good guy and he introduced me to the hilarious and wonderful show Archer. We laughed our asses off one night in the basement of his dorm room at the historic building he stayed in.

I had also decided to take a trip down to SoCal a few times to see Rachel's family, a Kacey Musgraves concert, and enjoyed it a lot that I had made plans to eventually move there after graduation.

Funny enough, after the Kacey Musgraves concert Andre had been with me and we decided to get Fireball whiskey (I'd never really drank) and I may have had a tiny bit too much because that was the first time I kissed him in a Marriott hotel room. HA. So romantic.

So 2015 came and went with a renewed sense of direction and getting myself together. I was set to graduate from UNR in the spring of 2016.

Twenty Five

So I was working late nights and going to school at UNR when I decided at some point I wanted to become a police officer in SoCal. 

The notion of it seemed honorable and had a sense of fulfillment to give back/belong to a community.

Let me tell you that it. Was. Hard. 

The vetting process for several departments would drop you so fast. Some took longer.

So I was traveling back and forth between Reno and SoCal applying to jobs, taking exams and doing interviews with departments from Oceanside, Ontario, Santa Barbara, Santa Ana, Newport, etc.

I applied for a bank job at good ole Community Bank in Redlands and worked there to pay the bills. 

May 2016 I graduated and was still trying to apply to become a police officer. 

I never got an offer. So I moved to Redlands at 25 years old, broke, no job really and rented a tiny space in someone's refinished attic two doors down from Rachel.

Disneyland trips became more frequent from me, I became closer and closer with Andre, and we had our first official Hansen family reunion in Lake Tahoe in August.

While life was still unstable financially for me, it seemed to be that type of adventure/risk I loved and I was close enough to family that I began to hit my stride.

Twenty Six

So into my new SoCal life I had been pressured by Rachel to take the next best step and get my master's. I thought it was terrifying because I was broke and didn't want to go back to school so fast, but I did and I'm glad I did.

I went into the MBA program at Cal Baptist in Riverside for a fast tracked 12 month program. It kicked my ass for a time. I was working at the bank during the day and went to school at night. But I enjoyed the academic lifestyle again and had some good social circles I was in.

Around April Andre and I had been spending nearly every day together. He asked my one day while visiting if I would be his boyfriend.

I was so scared and hesitant before and it felt right and we had become a couple that day.

I felt loved, I felt like I was being productive with my life and that I was headed in the right direction....and truth be told I was.

We had moved in together into 135 S. Center St. Apt. 1 in July that year. I was terrified because I didn't know how I could afford it, but we made it work. It was nice....I finally had that sort of cliché life I wanted. Working, loved, school, and adventure. We did so much. Traveled, Disneyland, Santa Barbara, friends, Universal, beach days, our special spot at the University of Redlands...it really was so thrilling and fulfilling. 

And later that year I got a job offer as a manager at Target and graduated with my MBA in December. 

I also went to China for a business trip through my MBA program. It was quite the year and I was hopeful that 2018 would bring so much more.

FYI one of my favorite pictures of all time

Twenty Seven

It felt like 2018 came to a screeching halt. I can't recall much at this time. However, this is when things began to take a dip in that rollercoaster of life with its ups and downs. 

Andre and I began to struggle in our relationship. Working at Target took its toll on me with the driving, hours and work itself. 

We did have fun though, beach days, Disneyland trips, and we had decided at some point to go on an international trip.

It ultimately ended up being to Malta with a few days staying in London. Such an amazing trip and so grateful we had it for ourselves and the memories we will always have.

Andre's brother had died just at the end of 2017 and his mother passed away around July in 2018 of cancer. It torn him apart naturally and weighed heavily on us and our relationship and it is one of the factors that ended our time together-but it worked out for the best and we always have those memories.

Before that though I had been getting good at my job at Target. 

I caught the bad guys. It was sort of my sad attempt to still be a "cop" in some sense but we caught shoplifters, I managed the AP department and investigated internal theft from employees. 

These bastards at the Apple Valley Target

The trip to London and Malta:

And many more great memories that ended on a hard year for Andre and myself but none the less there was meaning to it all.

2019 here I come......

Twenty Eight

At this point I had split from Andre but I stayed in my place that we got together.

He moved out. I was still working for Target....and getting fed up with it and the hard schedule/no life I had.

So I began to apply for Esri-the company that I had wanted to work for for some time due to it's proximity to me in Redlands and also the work/life balance and pay it had.

My neighbor Caitlin referred me and lo and behold I got the job. I was shocked and so happy because this was a much needed shift and something to look forward to. 

I was to start in April. March came and Andre had his accident (apparent suicide attempt). 

Now I know I did a post on this already, but we had been split for only a time when this happened in March. It shook me and it changed him forever, quite literally. The pain and trauma and recovery and dealing with it all was incredibly hard for me-probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.

But today (jumping ahead) I have grown and dealt best I can...and that's all I can do. 

Moving onto Esri, I was so happy and scared but I did well and got an office with a great view and struggled my first 6 months there and loved the life/pay/opportunity to have this great start FINALLY in my post MBA/career life.

Mom had been elected into the assembly earlier in the year so I took a trip up for her inauguration day.

We had a brother's getaway in San Diego.

I found Fritz as a kitten in the Esri parking lot under a car.

I went to hike in Malibu.

Forrest graduated BUDS.

Getting thrown into coaching Ellie Jane's soccer team.

Rock Climbing in Perris. Terrifying.

Christmas in Reno for the first time in 2 years, sledding, train rides, and many more. 

Such a hard year for me emotionally, but none the less I am sure lucky for all that I have.

The roarin 20's were next....

Twenty Nine

And my oh my what a year it has been on so many levels. But in a nut shell for ME personally it has been such a NICE end year to my twenties. 

I started it off by of course going to Disneyland with the original FOOL: LaRee.

We decided to make it a 90's weird Disney adult theme. Nailed it of course.

Then BAM a global pandemic hits and the world has shut down basically and still is as I write this....

For me it has been a fortunate blessing because I have been able to work from home. It has allowed me to travel back to Reno whenever and spend time with family. 

I cooked a lot more this year.

Also to travel around and went to Mexico, Phoenix and to ring in my 30th a ski trip to SLC.

I reconnected with someone I dated briefly years ago in Houston (Stephon) and he and I have been in touch and getting closer and closer this past year and I can say it's been nice. 

Puerto Vallarta with him, San Diego, Phoenix nights out, and just good company.

Work, health, family, friends, and everything else has made this year go by INSANELY fast and I hate to say it but it is true how fast time goes......and it is good. So so good.

Photobomb:

So so much has happened not only this year that I can't give full memory or detail too let alone the last 10 years of my life. 

But that last picture says it all. It's a salute and a humble thank you for the last wonderful 10 years that I have been fortunate enough to experience, learn, and grow from that skinny and insecure 19 year old I was into the now almost 30 year old man that I am. 

Like the quote says by C.S.

 "There are far far better things ahead than any we leave behind"

What a life I have lived so far, and honestly I don't deserve all the good that I have. Life really is such a wild and crazy adventure and with my thirties now ahead for me and hopefully a long a healthy life I cannot imagine what my stories will be. 

All I know is that it will give such more and more meaning to my life than it already has. 

So I wanna close this chapter of my life with the upmost gratitude. I'm serious, I don't know how I got so lucky to go through all the good and the bad.

So farewell and a toast to my twenties because it was one hell of a ride and I will be forever grateful for my memories and experiences that have shaped me into who I am. 

And here's to my thirties!!!

I gladly welcome you.